I’m Learning to be Free

Woke up this morning and had this on my mind…

 I’ve felt so free lately and I’ve been waiting a while to feel this way.  

It’s something liberating about sharing those thoughts we push down so deeply in our hearts. It’s liberating to feel and understand that your words matter.

The world needs to hear our voices. The words we are afraid to speak can bring healing to others.

Grandmother Taught Me

My grandmother taught me to be resilient 

To square my shoulders in the face of adversity 

To be a pistol, provider, partner

My grandmother taught me to dismiss pain 

So I stood continuously in a dark space, beating my heart until it was silent 

Daring it to speak a word

It was black and blue until it turned into stone and I’d rather feel it harden underneath my skin then to feel any weakness within

I transformed into her projection, a strong woman with wit to match, broken on the inside with shame attached to my soul

Words unspoken, too invested in saving face

This pain is heavy but the responsibility of being a strong black woman is heavier 

Questions and Answers 

Questions 

You ask yourself…

Why do I continue to repeat the lesson? 

Laying in my bed, restless 

Enduring the never ending cycle of lovers gained and lost

Picking yourself apart at the seams, attempting to hold on to something, anything 

The truth is you’ve never believed you deserved much more than nothing so you continue to repeat the lesson

Life is the teacher, reprimanding you for denying self love and exalting pain

Answers 

Chose yourself today

Chose to exhibit self love, forgiveness

Letting go of the shamefulness that caused you to believe the lies. Letting go of the guilt of holding on too long to potential 

Accept your truth – You are a  divine sister, gifted to love, gifted to heal 

Avenge the days lost by making a conscientious decision to love yourself

It’s time to mend the brokenness. It’s time to receive the love you deserve 

Picking Myself Apart

Keep scrolling…looking. At every picture. Study the rounds of her soft brown eyes, cheekbones, hips. Look at her. Silky caramel skin. The smirk that caught your attention. 

Beauty unmatched.

But I see more. I see imperfections. I see pain. I see fears, doubts, shaken confidence and a desire to love without the harsh reality of disappointment.

 I can’t help but wonder what you see. If you see anything at all.