My grandmother taught me to be resilient
To square my shoulders in the face of adversity
To be a pistol, provider, partner
My grandmother taught me to dismiss pain
So I stood continuously in a dark space, beating my heart until it was silent
Daring it to speak a word
It was black and blue until it turned into stone and I’d rather feel it harden underneath my skin then to feel any weakness within
I transformed into her projection, a strong woman with wit to match, broken on the inside with shame attached to my soul
Words unspoken, too invested in saving face
This pain is heavy but the responsibility of being a strong black woman is heavier
You ask yourself…
Why do I continue to repeat the lesson?
Laying in my bed, restless
Enduring the never ending cycle of lovers gained and lost
Picking yourself apart at the seams, attempting to hold on to something, anything
The truth is you’ve never believed you deserved much more than nothing so you continue to repeat the lesson
Life is the teacher, reprimanding you for denying self love and exalting pain
Chose yourself today
Chose to exhibit self love, forgiveness
Letting go of the shamefulness that caused you to believe the lies. Letting go of the guilt of holding on too long to potential
Accept your truth – You are a divine sister, gifted to love, gifted to heal
Avenge the days lost by making a conscientious decision to love yourself
It’s time to mend the brokenness. It’s time to receive the love you deserve
Love is the most beautiful thing I’ve never experienced
I’m open to receiving it with all its wonder and liberation
It starts within me
Keep scrolling…looking. At every picture. Study the rounds of her soft brown eyes, cheekbones, hips. Look at her. Silky caramel skin. The smirk that caught your attention.
But I see more. I see imperfections. I see pain. I see fears, doubts, shaken confidence and a desire to love without the harsh reality of disappointment.
I can’t help but wonder what you see. If you see anything at all.
I’m going to pour out my soul on the page. That’s all I have to give. I don’t do it for attention. I don’t do it for you.
I do it so that I can sleep peacefully at night. I do it to purify myself from the venomous thoughts, doubts, fears.
Letting this pen bleed is my emotional catharsis.
If the earth was covered in darkness, your smile could light up a million suns
You deserve to be fully loved, without restraint. Stop settling for grains of sand and seek gold. You are not asking for too much.
You’re worth it all.
Once you close doors that lead to nowhere you will find what you deserve.