It’s Worth It

Waiting is worth it

Especially when you find the one worth waiting for

I used to look for Prince Charming when I didn’t understand that real relationships take real work. I had some obnoxious list of wants. Rooted in vanity. This height, he needs to make this salary…pure foolishness. Now that I’m older, my priorities have definitely changed. 

I’ve learned that I need a partner, my ace. Someone who enjoys the things I enjoy: traveling, reading, volunteering, random 3am trips to 7-eleven for slurpees. I need someone who understands that life is too short to waste by not fulfilling their God given purpose. I need a best friend who is willing to lay down in the trenches when times get rough. I need a love that sees that I’m not perfect and is okay with that. 

And while I say that I need all these things, I must be willing to be all these things for my partner. If two people give their all to ensure that their partner is happy, both people win in the relationship. There is no room for lack. 

Waiting is rough…

There are times when I want to throw in the towel. Times when my standards are tested and I have to make the decision to stand firm or lower them. There are times when I wished relationships would’ve worked out. One thing I can be sure of is that I never want to regret not waiting and settling for someone who can’t reciprocate the love I give. 

So I purposefully decided to wait on these things.  It’s a reason for it all and I’ll continue to wait. It’s worth it. 

Last Call 

I wanted more than you were willing to offer

You’ve proven my fears to be correct 

I can only thank you for your honesty even though my pride was the payment 

I shed tears that night…our last call 

I was angry for allowing myself to be vulnerable again- open to someone who had no intentions of loving me 

One day I won’t be a thought. The moments we shared will disappear from your memory with time and separation.

Finalizing the end of it all 

An Ode to You – 3/10/17

Maybe over time you’ll remove the fear guarding your chest cavity then I can prove how deep my love could penetrate the confines of your heart. 

It’s sad that I’m realizing no matter what I give, I’m still no competition for time. No comparison to the past. In your eyes, I can’t measure up to it. 

With my love, I could fill the voids. Respect your sanctuary, your sanctity your mind.

You’ve written letters to the one you thought you would spend eternity with, conversation whispered at night, empty words combined with intentionally unkept promises.

Let me show you something different. Let me give you peace and comfort. Let me give you commitment and confidence. 

To be vulnerable is a gift, to love is to sacrifice and that’s all I want you to experience…

Sincerely Yours,
 

Grandmother Taught Me

My grandmother taught me to be resilient 

To square my shoulders in the face of adversity 

To be a pistol, provider, partner

My grandmother taught me to dismiss pain 

So I stood continuously in a dark space, beating my heart until it was silent 

Daring it to speak a word

It was black and blue until it turned into stone and I’d rather feel it harden underneath my skin then to feel any weakness within

I transformed into her projection, a strong woman with wit to match, broken on the inside with shame attached to my soul

Words unspoken, too invested in saving face

This pain is heavy but the responsibility of being a strong black woman is heavier