Waiting is worth it
Especially when you find the one worth waiting for
I used to look for Prince Charming when I didn’t understand that real relationships take real work. I had some obnoxious list of wants. Rooted in vanity. This height, he needs to make this salary…pure foolishness. Now that I’m older, my priorities have definitely changed.
I’ve learned that I need a partner, my ace. Someone who enjoys the things I enjoy: traveling, reading, volunteering, random 3am trips to 7-eleven for slurpees. I need someone who understands that life is too short to waste by not fulfilling their God given purpose. I need a best friend who is willing to lay down in the trenches when times get rough. I need a love that sees that I’m not perfect and is okay with that.
And while I say that I need all these things, I must be willing to be all these things for my partner. If two people give their all to ensure that their partner is happy, both people win in the relationship. There is no room for lack.
Waiting is rough…
There are times when I want to throw in the towel. Times when my standards are tested and I have to make the decision to stand firm or lower them. There are times when I wished relationships would’ve worked out. One thing I can be sure of is that I never want to regret not waiting and settling for someone who can’t reciprocate the love I give.
So I purposefully decided to wait on these things. It’s a reason for it all and I’ll continue to wait. It’s worth it.
I wanted more than you were willing to offer
You’ve proven my fears to be correct
I can only thank you for your honesty even though my pride was the payment
I shed tears that night…our last call
I was angry for allowing myself to be vulnerable again- open to someone who had no intentions of loving me
One day I won’t be a thought. The moments we shared will disappear from your memory with time and separation.
Finalizing the end of it all
You are the epitome of beauty
Your eyes, your smile…
I’m in awe of you. Heaven is your name.
I wanted so badly to heal you of your brokenness that I was willing to tear my heart in pieces to make yours complete
I accepted less than my worth to build your confidence
I hid my face from the sunlight so that you would feel all its warmth and beauty
I’ve learned that true love will never require you to destroy yourself
Last night I fell asleep in your arms wishing that the love was mutual
Until it is, I will continue to bury my fears in your embrace…
Maybe over time you’ll remove the fear guarding your chest cavity then I can prove how deep my love could penetrate the confines of your heart.
It’s sad that I’m realizing no matter what I give, I’m still no competition for time. No comparison to the past. In your eyes, I can’t measure up to it.
With my love, I could fill the voids. Respect your sanctuary, your sanctity your mind.
You’ve written letters to the one you thought you would spend eternity with, conversation whispered at night, empty words combined with intentionally unkept promises.
Let me show you something different. Let me give you peace and comfort. Let me give you commitment and confidence.
To be vulnerable is a gift, to love is to sacrifice and that’s all I want you to experience…
My grandmother taught me to be resilient
To square my shoulders in the face of adversity
To be a pistol, provider, partner
My grandmother taught me to dismiss pain
So I stood continuously in a dark space, beating my heart until it was silent
Daring it to speak a word
It was black and blue until it turned into stone and I’d rather feel it harden underneath my skin then to feel any weakness within
I transformed into her projection, a strong woman with wit to match, broken on the inside with shame attached to my soul
Words unspoken, too invested in saving face
This pain is heavy but the responsibility of being a strong black woman is heavier