I wanted more than you were willing to offer
You’ve proven my fears to be correct
I can only thank you for your honesty even though my pride was the payment
I shed tears that night…our last call
I was angry for allowing myself to be vulnerable again- open to someone who had no intentions of loving me
One day I won’t be a thought. The moments we shared will disappear from your memory with time and separation.
Finalizing the end of it all
You are the epitome of beauty
Your eyes, your smile…
I’m in awe of you. Heaven is your name.
I wanted so badly to heal you of your brokenness that I was willing to tear my heart in pieces to make yours complete
I accepted less than my worth to build your confidence
I hid my face from the sunlight so that you would feel all its warmth and beauty
I’ve learned that true love will never require you to destroy yourself
Last night I fell asleep in your arms wishing that the love was mutual
Until it is, I will continue to bury my fears in your embrace…
Maybe over time you’ll remove the fear guarding your chest cavity then I can prove how deep my love could penetrate the confines of your heart.
It’s sad that I’m realizing no matter what I give, I’m still no competition for time. No comparison to the past. In your eyes, I can’t measure up to it.
With my love, I could fill the voids. Respect your sanctuary, your sanctity your mind.
You’ve written letters to the one you thought you would spend eternity with, conversation whispered at night, empty words combined with intentionally unkept promises.
Let me show you something different. Let me give you peace and comfort. Let me give you commitment and confidence.
To be vulnerable is a gift, to love is to sacrifice and that’s all I want you to experience…
My grandmother taught me to be resilient
To square my shoulders in the face of adversity
To be a pistol, provider, partner
My grandmother taught me to dismiss pain
So I stood continuously in a dark space, beating my heart until it was silent
Daring it to speak a word
It was black and blue until it turned into stone and I’d rather feel it harden underneath my skin then to feel any weakness within
I transformed into her projection, a strong woman with wit to match, broken on the inside with shame attached to my soul
Words unspoken, too invested in saving face
This pain is heavy but the responsibility of being a strong black woman is heavier
You ask yourself…
Why do I continue to repeat the lesson?
Laying in my bed, restless
Enduring the never ending cycle of lovers gained and lost
Picking yourself apart at the seams, attempting to hold on to something, anything
The truth is you’ve never believed you deserved much more than nothing so you continue to repeat the lesson
Life is the teacher, reprimanding you for denying self love and exalting pain
Chose yourself today
Chose to exhibit self love, forgiveness
Letting go of the shamefulness that caused you to believe the lies. Letting go of the guilt of holding on too long to potential
Accept your truth – You are a divine sister, gifted to love, gifted to heal
Avenge the days lost by making a conscientious decision to love yourself
It’s time to mend the brokenness. It’s time to receive the love you deserve